Mind Your Words......

The other day I was just having a look at the pictures one of my face book friends uploaded and I was surprised to see a war of words of sorts being exchanged between two of her FB friends. It made for interesting reading and I am never the one to let such things go undisclosed.

On further investigation I found out that my FB friend had uploaded a lovely picture of herself with her little bundle of joy and there were many comments and likes for it. here was the catch. One particular friend, make that two, not so subtly said that my FB friend had put on some weight. And then the war of words began........

Pal 1- Hey hi how r u ? Seems uve put on a lot bt lukin sweet

Pal 2 - Both cute....but u have put on some weight but still looking nice...

Pal 3- me thinks you should delete a friend

Pal 3- the muppet that put the unnecessary comment against your beautiful picture, they should be enrolled in to charm school

Pal 2- Dear friend if u referring to me then let me tell you that she is also a good friend of mine....and its been ages since I saw her thats y i said that she has put on some weight since I last saw her......there is nothing to get serious on it....I know that she wouldn't mind it as she is always very cute!!

Pal 3- sometimes it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Pal 2- BTW, it is between me and her  you cannot just comment like this on

anyone....you may please show your love/friendship in any other way..

Just a comment on someones weight gain instigated all this..........

Reading the war of words made me realize that there are so many people out there on face book, at the market place, at the workplace, in your social circle and even at our own home who do not hesitate to speak out critical comments at the drop of a hat. These very people balk at the thought of giving their honest opinions where it matters most, like at the meeting organized to give suggestions for the betterment of the institute or where it can really make a positive difference. It is then that they become YES-men and agree to whatever is suggested by the higher authorities in the hope of gaining their approval.

Many people out there assume that if one is close enough to another you have the right to criticize but that is not the case. It makes it all the more important to mind your words as you are dealing with someone you love or care for so why hurt that person with unkind words however true they may be? Say what is true but make sure it is not hurtful to the one hearing it.

Don't get me wrong .I am always a believer that one should speak out their mind and state facts instead of buttering up or resorting to flattery but at times we do need to think and weigh matters and understand whether stating the truth is a good option or not.Some things are better left unsaid.

For example if  Pal 1 and 2 in the above situation need not have commented on the weight gain issue at all and instead just appreciated her and her lovely kid.It would have hurt none.Not that the person in question herself has made any remark but yet,who knows,she may have felt hurt,after all this is a comment passed on a social site.And women of all ages and sizes are touchy about weighty issues.

I faced similar situations when I had gained a few kilos recently (thanks to my love for good food) and there were many who gave me their expert unsolicited comments. Even the people who met me after many weeks or months greeted me with the statement-"You have put on such a lot of weight,what happened?" I had to just smile through their comments and veer to other topics.Of course I could have told them that I had a full length mirror at home which told me about my weight gains,I had my dresses and jeans to tell me  that I had put on weight and of course I had my husband who would never ever leave a chance to say how much weight I had gained .So I never needed any reminders from them about my weight gain.

It is not about weight,dress sense,style,colour,cooking or grades .........there are people who try to find faults with everyone and everything.The funniest part is that there are some who don't like to be criticized but they do not hesitate to criticize others.

Here I would like to add that how we say something has an impact too.Who says it,when it is said,how it is said.........all this makes a difference.

My point is if you have something good to say,please do say it but if it is something critical mind your words and think about how the other person would feel on hearing  those words.What bothers me most is that people are always ready to criticise but when it comes to appreciating  something or someone they lag far behind.

Let us make some effort to make someones day by appreciating them.I do not mean you have to resort to flattery but if you look carefully there is always something in others that can be appreciated .Thing is that we are so busy looking for faults that we rarely notice their good qualities.

Appreciation is a skill,learn to develop it.

After all each one of us likes to be appreciated.