A Fair(y) Tale or The Dark Truth?

This write up was published in the DNA newspaper in October 2006.
Being dark-skinned unlike all my sisters who are fair-skinned  , I have often been asked whether I am really their sister.Thankfully, my parents never made any distinction among us.No one should.

The world is full of colour.Nature has bestowed the flora and fauna with colours.Humans too have been painted in different colours which,from time to time, have been a bane.Beauty is skin-deep they say,but a person's skin colour has, many a time been a boon or a curse.Ask me,I have experienced it.

Even today after all these years,we Indians are over-awed with white skin.Read all the matrimonials and see it in black and white....Wanted-fair,slim and beautiful girl.Fair skin is a pre-requisite for beauty,it seems .As a teacher I have seen children who are fairer being chosen for dances and skits over the dark-skinned counter parts just on the basis of their fair skin. At times when I have chosen talented children for their dancing and acting abilities I have been questioned on my selection if they are dark-skinned,."You are taking her???Why don't you take her?" they say pointing towards a fairer child.This coming from teachers,utterly disgraceful and sad .Of course,their suggestions are not taken and I go on with my preference.Talent ,after all, should be the only criteria for selection.

Earlier I travelled from Kalwa to my school in Mulund by train.I held a first class travelling train pass.On one of my many journeys a lady boarded the train at Thane.her. Her entry brought on many curious glances from the others in the first class compartment.The lady in question was dark-skinned and simply dressed.One of the women gathered courage and said," माफ़ कीजिये,ये फर्स्ट क्लास का डिब्बा है,सेकंड क्लास डिब्बा आगे है" The woman in question was unruffled.Giving her a dirty look she displayed her first class quarterly pass and said, "Yes,I know that.I have a first class pass.Did you think that only fair-skinned people with expensive clothes and thick make-up can buy a first class pass?? आप माफ़ कीजिये और अपनी सोच बदलिए ."On hearing this interaction I just wanted to clap and cheer her for her apt response!

One of my colleagues rues the fact her kid who is dark-skinned is always taunted by close family members for his colour.What a terrible way to hurt someone's self esteem!My husband is quite fair and was handsome when I married him(not that he isn't now!).I am much darker than him.One day one of my sisters who is quite fair herself jokingly asked him," How did you agree to marry her,she is so dark?"To this my hubby replied,"My father was very fair and my mother was dark-skinned yet he married her.She was a gem of a person.After my fathers untimely death when I and my siblings were very young ,my mother brought us up single-handedly and instilled all the right values in us One's colour is not important,it's what inside us that really counts,."

It is high time that we learn to live without the prejudices of colour. The world is already reeling under the barriers of caste,religion,class,language and race.We surely don't want to add colour to that ,do we??Let us teach our children to have unbiased views of persons without being influenced by colour or any other attributes.Let us learn to value people for what they are and not their skin colour. After all,we should remember that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Mind Your Words......

The other day I was just having a look at the pictures one of my face book friends uploaded and I was surprised to see a war of words of sorts being exchanged between two of her FB friends. It made for interesting reading and I am never the one to let such things go undisclosed.

On further investigation I found out that my FB friend had uploaded a lovely picture of herself with her little bundle of joy and there were many comments and likes for it. here was the catch. One particular friend, make that two, not so subtly said that my FB friend had put on some weight. And then the war of words began........

Pal 1- Hey hi how r u ? Seems uve put on a lot bt lukin sweet

Pal 2 - Both cute....but u have put on some weight but still looking nice...

Pal 3- me thinks you should delete a friend

Pal 3- the muppet that put the unnecessary comment against your beautiful picture, they should be enrolled in to charm school

Pal 2- Dear friend if u referring to me then let me tell you that she is also a good friend of mine....and its been ages since I saw her thats y i said that she has put on some weight since I last saw her......there is nothing to get serious on it....I know that she wouldn't mind it as she is always very cute!!

Pal 3- sometimes it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Pal 2- BTW, it is between me and her  you cannot just comment like this on

anyone....you may please show your love/friendship in any other way..

Just a comment on someones weight gain instigated all this..........

Reading the war of words made me realize that there are so many people out there on face book, at the market place, at the workplace, in your social circle and even at our own home who do not hesitate to speak out critical comments at the drop of a hat. These very people balk at the thought of giving their honest opinions where it matters most, like at the meeting organized to give suggestions for the betterment of the institute or where it can really make a positive difference. It is then that they become YES-men and agree to whatever is suggested by the higher authorities in the hope of gaining their approval.

Many people out there assume that if one is close enough to another you have the right to criticize but that is not the case. It makes it all the more important to mind your words as you are dealing with someone you love or care for so why hurt that person with unkind words however true they may be? Say what is true but make sure it is not hurtful to the one hearing it.

Don't get me wrong .I am always a believer that one should speak out their mind and state facts instead of buttering up or resorting to flattery but at times we do need to think and weigh matters and understand whether stating the truth is a good option or not.Some things are better left unsaid.

For example if  Pal 1 and 2 in the above situation need not have commented on the weight gain issue at all and instead just appreciated her and her lovely kid.It would have hurt none.Not that the person in question herself has made any remark but yet,who knows,she may have felt hurt,after all this is a comment passed on a social site.And women of all ages and sizes are touchy about weighty issues.

I faced similar situations when I had gained a few kilos recently (thanks to my love for good food) and there were many who gave me their expert unsolicited comments. Even the people who met me after many weeks or months greeted me with the statement-"You have put on such a lot of weight,what happened?" I had to just smile through their comments and veer to other topics.Of course I could have told them that I had a full length mirror at home which told me about my weight gains,I had my dresses and jeans to tell me  that I had put on weight and of course I had my husband who would never ever leave a chance to say how much weight I had gained .So I never needed any reminders from them about my weight gain.

It is not about weight,dress sense,style,colour,cooking or grades .........there are people who try to find faults with everyone and everything.The funniest part is that there are some who don't like to be criticized but they do not hesitate to criticize others.

Here I would like to add that how we say something has an impact too.Who says it,when it is said,how it is said.........all this makes a difference.

My point is if you have something good to say,please do say it but if it is something critical mind your words and think about how the other person would feel on hearing  those words.What bothers me most is that people are always ready to criticise but when it comes to appreciating  something or someone they lag far behind.

Let us make some effort to make someones day by appreciating them.I do not mean you have to resort to flattery but if you look carefully there is always something in others that can be appreciated .Thing is that we are so busy looking for faults that we rarely notice their good qualities.

Appreciation is a skill,learn to develop it.

After all each one of us likes to be appreciated.

Voyeurism at its best........

Staying inside a house for ninety days with near strangers is a task.That's what the challenge is for all the Bigg Boss contestants.They face challenges each day and the facade they try to put up for the audience slowly disappears as they show their true colours .These are the celebrities ,the personalities that we,as viewers,watch on the television screen or in the sports field..Here we have their emotions on display as they vie for attention and support of their housemates.Each one tries to out -play and at the same time tries to project himself as a do-gooder.This time the 'I am holier than thou' act is played by Sidhu at the Bigg Boss house.Friendships are made and broken at the drop of a hat.What matters most is the nomination that decides the contestants' fate at the house.After the nomination it is up to the viewers to decide by voting for their favourite contestant in the bid to keep them safely cocooned inside the house.

The daily squabbles over the cooking,the cleaning and emotional upheavals in relationships and bonding with one another make this reality show interesting for us.We get to peep into the lives of these celebrities.As humans we are voyeurs ,always inquisitive to know about the lives of others,their emotions,their challenges,how they react to certain situations etc.Seeing the housemates live together is a lesson in psychology for the viewers,if they take it like that instead of just pure entertainment.How one reacts in a given situation,how we would react in that situation,what makes us break down and what situations makes us stronger,how friends can turn into foes for personal gains,how even our enemies can make us grow in a way we can never think possible............the list is endless.

What makes the watch more worthy is the presence of my favourite Salman (not my Bhai for sure) who, with his inimitable style and panache entices the viewers.I love Bigg Boss as "Alag Chhe" as Salman says.Jo dikhta hai wo hota nahin aur jo hota hai wo dikhta nahi......it is a paradox of sorts.But this itself makes it all the more interesting.

Bigg Boss 6 rocks!!

So does Salman!!!!

Life Sans Regrets.

'Live life with no regrets'

Easier said than done!

If we look back at how our life has shaped ,we will come across many such instances where we think  about how we would have done things differently.

How I wish I had taken up that job.....
How I wish I had told her about my feelings.......
I should not have said that to him........
I should not have taken such a hasty decision.........
Wish I had spent more time with my kids.....
I wish I had done more for my parents..........


The list goes on ...........
What we fail to realize is that those decisions,those actions were all ours but they were taken at a different time zone and under different conditions .

Life has no rewind button and nor does it have a fast-forward button.Nor does life come with undo/delete button.What has happened is done and gone but what we can do is learn from our mistakes.

Instead of regretting them we need to gain from them.To err is human after all.Mistakes are a way of life.They are not the end of your existence.You can make amends (if you can) and move forward with renewed vigour.

Look at the present and live it to the fullest.Try your best to live life in a manner that you will have no regrets in future but there is no guarantee that it is possible.Life, after all is uncertain but keep that chin up and accept the gift that TODAY offers.

Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow is a Mystery,
Today is a Gift so it is called the PRESENT.
Use it well!

Sridevi.......Aaiyayo!!!

What I am looking for is not love but respect................this line stayed with me long after I had watched Sridevi's comeback movie - English-Vinglish.

The movie was one that touched a chord somewhere.It was refreshing in its simplicity.A home-maker who is taken for granted longs to be respected by her family,this forms the crux of the film.The journey of the woman as she finds her true self by taking up challenges that come her way is a welcome change from the movies that are a saga of revenge and hate.

Sridevi as the protagonist is like a breath of fresh air after watching all the so-called heroines who are hell-bent on showing less of their acting skills and more of skin.She proves that she is still the superb actress who showed her talent with her role in movies like Sadma,Chandni,Mr.India and many more.

The rest of the cast also does their bit and makes the movie a treat to watch.The few songs in the movie are foot-tapping and the dialogues are well-written.A simple story told in a matter of fact manner without the frills ,thrills and chills reserved for the typical bollywood movies.

What stands out in the movie is the handsome French guy at the language class,Sridevi's beautiful sarees,the songs,Sridevi's (Michael Jackson) dance steps,the storyline,Sridevi's final speech in English,the message the film conveys and of course -Sridevi,Sridevi,Sridevi........

The film has banked on the popular serial Mind Your language and the Indian version of it Zabaan Sambhal Ke but we are not complaining.The film is a must watch for everyone as each one of us feels inferior and humiliated at some point in life and this teaches us that one needs to find respect for oneself first and then the rest will follow.Belief in oneself is a must as only then can we face challenges that come our way.

And no,though my review may make the film seem to be a bit preachy it is not so.What it conveys is done in a subtle and simplistic manner.

The only thing that I could not digest was that the lead was supposedly a Maharashtrian house-wife,Shashi Deshpande but her accent was totally South Indian (Aaiyayo!!!)Then maybe this was bound to happen as the Director-Gauri Shinde,a Maharashtrian herself, tried to portray the problems her mother (or was that mother-in-law?) faced in communicating in English.

So,all in all a great movie to watch.The last toast that Shashi raised at her nieces' wedding was touching.That one last speech by her in English made Shashi'a family realise how they had taken her for granted all these years and it brought tears in my eyes.

It made me realise that each one of us needs to be treated with respect and we need to consciously see whether we are taking people who are close to us for granted and whether we are unintentionally ridiculing others and/or making them feel inferior.If we are,we need to mend our ways as each one of us may be different but is special in our own way.What we all need is RESPECT.