Even in 2012.............

Just read a post on twitter by Farhan Akhtar,the Bagwati guy from ZNMD. It went like this;
The fact that, even in 2012 the waste from train toilets falls directly onto the tracks is shameful!

No reason this should continue…

Made me think about so many other things that are happening all around the country  and the world that really makes me wonder why such things occur even in 2012.
Change is the only thing that is constant in this world , yet there are so many things that have not changed for the better.

It saddens  me to see that even in 2012;

• A high court judge in Karnataka tells a wife who has filed a case against her physically abusive husband that she should adjust and keep the marriage going as her husband is earning well and can look after her well.Al these things keep happening in marriages.So what if he beats her now and then ,he has the right to do that as he looks after her.
• Women are looked at as objects of lust and desire.
• There are so many cases of female infanticide and foeticide.Preference is given for a male child.
• If rapes occur the onus is on the victim for luring the perpetrator due to improper dress or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.She is made to feel responsible for her rape.
• There was a fatwa against females wearing jeans in some parts of north India and they were told to refrain from wearing jeans or they would have to bear the consequences.
• A political leader (a female one at that) gave the verdict that girls should not be allowed to use mobile phones or mix with the opposite sex as it corrupts their minds.
• An ex-minister supported the Khap Panchayat saying that the marriageable age of girls should be reduced to 16 so that the number of rape cases in that particular state could be reduced.
• There are rarely any hygienic toilets for females to relieve themselves at railway stations,bus-stands and on highways.
• There are people who laugh at those who dare to dream,.
• A single woman is looked at with disdain if she chooses to remain single all her life.There are accusations about her character.
• In spite of all the accidents that take place due to drinking and driving ,men and women continue to drink under the influence of alcohol and make the roads hell on earth.
• Little girls are raped  by their own near and dear ones and the rapists go scot-free while the victims bear the pain for a lifetime.
• There are dowry deaths and acid attacks on women.
• People dump so much of waste into the rivers,seas and oceans.
• People continue to burst crackers for Diwali ,marriages and other functions for the thrill and excitement they think they bring when really all they bring is noise pollution,sound pollution and environmental pollution.
• People use religion/caste as  their favourite weapon to gain extra votes and remain in power.
• There are so many little kids who are malnourished.
• The population of the country is increasing by leaps and bounds in spite of all the propaganda about a small family.
• Electricity and water,the basic necessities of life have not reached so many villages in the interiors of our country.
• Even after the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyaan was introduced with much fanfare in so many states ,there are so many little kids who have not got access to basic Primary and Secondary education.
• There are so many violent incidents that are triggered by religion/language/caste/class/colour differences all around the world.
• Even after so many lessons that our past has taught us about the ill-effects of war, we have not learnt to live together in peace as one human race.
• Man has learnt to handle and control all the latest gadgets but has not learnt to have control over his desires and emotions.
• In spite of all the documentaries and research findings,man tends to ignore the dangerous outcome of Global warming.We fail to watch our carbon footprints and fail in being environment friendly.

All this makes me wonder.......

Will things ever change???

A Fair(y) Tale or The Dark Truth?

This write up was published in the DNA newspaper in October 2006.
Being dark-skinned unlike all my sisters who are fair-skinned  , I have often been asked whether I am really their sister.Thankfully, my parents never made any distinction among us.No one should.

The world is full of colour.Nature has bestowed the flora and fauna with colours.Humans too have been painted in different colours which,from time to time, have been a bane.Beauty is skin-deep they say,but a person's skin colour has, many a time been a boon or a curse.Ask me,I have experienced it.

Even today after all these years,we Indians are over-awed with white skin.Read all the matrimonials and see it in black and white....Wanted-fair,slim and beautiful girl.Fair skin is a pre-requisite for beauty,it seems .As a teacher I have seen children who are fairer being chosen for dances and skits over the dark-skinned counter parts just on the basis of their fair skin. At times when I have chosen talented children for their dancing and acting abilities I have been questioned on my selection if they are dark-skinned,."You are taking her???Why don't you take her?" they say pointing towards a fairer child.This coming from teachers,utterly disgraceful and sad .Of course,their suggestions are not taken and I go on with my preference.Talent ,after all, should be the only criteria for selection.

Earlier I travelled from Kalwa to my school in Mulund by train.I held a first class travelling train pass.On one of my many journeys a lady boarded the train at Thane.her. Her entry brought on many curious glances from the others in the first class compartment.The lady in question was dark-skinned and simply dressed.One of the women gathered courage and said," माफ़ कीजिये,ये फर्स्ट क्लास का डिब्बा है,सेकंड क्लास डिब्बा आगे है" The woman in question was unruffled.Giving her a dirty look she displayed her first class quarterly pass and said, "Yes,I know that.I have a first class pass.Did you think that only fair-skinned people with expensive clothes and thick make-up can buy a first class pass?? आप माफ़ कीजिये और अपनी सोच बदलिए ."On hearing this interaction I just wanted to clap and cheer her for her apt response!

One of my colleagues rues the fact her kid who is dark-skinned is always taunted by close family members for his colour.What a terrible way to hurt someone's self esteem!My husband is quite fair and was handsome when I married him(not that he isn't now!).I am much darker than him.One day one of my sisters who is quite fair herself jokingly asked him," How did you agree to marry her,she is so dark?"To this my hubby replied,"My father was very fair and my mother was dark-skinned yet he married her.She was a gem of a person.After my fathers untimely death when I and my siblings were very young ,my mother brought us up single-handedly and instilled all the right values in us One's colour is not important,it's what inside us that really counts,."

It is high time that we learn to live without the prejudices of colour. The world is already reeling under the barriers of caste,religion,class,language and race.We surely don't want to add colour to that ,do we??Let us teach our children to have unbiased views of persons without being influenced by colour or any other attributes.Let us learn to value people for what they are and not their skin colour. After all,we should remember that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Mind Your Words......

The other day I was just having a look at the pictures one of my face book friends uploaded and I was surprised to see a war of words of sorts being exchanged between two of her FB friends. It made for interesting reading and I am never the one to let such things go undisclosed.

On further investigation I found out that my FB friend had uploaded a lovely picture of herself with her little bundle of joy and there were many comments and likes for it. here was the catch. One particular friend, make that two, not so subtly said that my FB friend had put on some weight. And then the war of words began........

Pal 1- Hey hi how r u ? Seems uve put on a lot bt lukin sweet

Pal 2 - Both cute....but u have put on some weight but still looking nice...

Pal 3- me thinks you should delete a friend

Pal 3- the muppet that put the unnecessary comment against your beautiful picture, they should be enrolled in to charm school

Pal 2- Dear friend if u referring to me then let me tell you that she is also a good friend of mine....and its been ages since I saw her thats y i said that she has put on some weight since I last saw her......there is nothing to get serious on it....I know that she wouldn't mind it as she is always very cute!!

Pal 3- sometimes it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Pal 2- BTW, it is between me and her  you cannot just comment like this on

anyone....you may please show your love/friendship in any other way..

Just a comment on someones weight gain instigated all this..........

Reading the war of words made me realize that there are so many people out there on face book, at the market place, at the workplace, in your social circle and even at our own home who do not hesitate to speak out critical comments at the drop of a hat. These very people balk at the thought of giving their honest opinions where it matters most, like at the meeting organized to give suggestions for the betterment of the institute or where it can really make a positive difference. It is then that they become YES-men and agree to whatever is suggested by the higher authorities in the hope of gaining their approval.

Many people out there assume that if one is close enough to another you have the right to criticize but that is not the case. It makes it all the more important to mind your words as you are dealing with someone you love or care for so why hurt that person with unkind words however true they may be? Say what is true but make sure it is not hurtful to the one hearing it.

Don't get me wrong .I am always a believer that one should speak out their mind and state facts instead of buttering up or resorting to flattery but at times we do need to think and weigh matters and understand whether stating the truth is a good option or not.Some things are better left unsaid.

For example if  Pal 1 and 2 in the above situation need not have commented on the weight gain issue at all and instead just appreciated her and her lovely kid.It would have hurt none.Not that the person in question herself has made any remark but yet,who knows,she may have felt hurt,after all this is a comment passed on a social site.And women of all ages and sizes are touchy about weighty issues.

I faced similar situations when I had gained a few kilos recently (thanks to my love for good food) and there were many who gave me their expert unsolicited comments. Even the people who met me after many weeks or months greeted me with the statement-"You have put on such a lot of weight,what happened?" I had to just smile through their comments and veer to other topics.Of course I could have told them that I had a full length mirror at home which told me about my weight gains,I had my dresses and jeans to tell me  that I had put on weight and of course I had my husband who would never ever leave a chance to say how much weight I had gained .So I never needed any reminders from them about my weight gain.

It is not about weight,dress sense,style,colour,cooking or grades .........there are people who try to find faults with everyone and everything.The funniest part is that there are some who don't like to be criticized but they do not hesitate to criticize others.

Here I would like to add that how we say something has an impact too.Who says it,when it is said,how it is said.........all this makes a difference.

My point is if you have something good to say,please do say it but if it is something critical mind your words and think about how the other person would feel on hearing  those words.What bothers me most is that people are always ready to criticise but when it comes to appreciating  something or someone they lag far behind.

Let us make some effort to make someones day by appreciating them.I do not mean you have to resort to flattery but if you look carefully there is always something in others that can be appreciated .Thing is that we are so busy looking for faults that we rarely notice their good qualities.

Appreciation is a skill,learn to develop it.

After all each one of us likes to be appreciated.