Har Ek (Saccha) Friend Jaroori Hota Hai

Life is full of challenges.What makes the journey of life more travellable(Yes,I know there is no such word) are the people who we meet on this journey called life.We meet all sorts of people at work and during our various tours and there are some who leave a lasting impression on us.There are some others who make our life miserable yet we realise that even they were part of our growth as they gave us lessons to learn and taught us that life is not a bed of roses,we have to deal with the thorns if we want to enjoy the roses.

Our family and extended family members cannot be chosen but our friends are chosen by us.Right from our childhood days we begin the process of making friends(our chaddi-buddies) and slowly as life progresses we realise that sometimes those old buddies friends are there but only as a reminder of our past.Each one moves forward in life and even if we don't want to we find ourselves drawn away due to distance,work priorities and other issues.As we move further in life we add on to our number of friends and at times we lose our old friends in the melee of life.

Frankly speaking,I did not have very close friends in my school as I was more of an introvert .I connected with my school friends through Facebook recently and we had a reunion.I will always regret missing on that special friendship with a school mate as I have seen some people having lasting friendship with their school mates for many years.I made some some very special friends in my building during my childhood days and I am in touch with a few of them even now though the interaction is limited only to chats on Facebook or Whatssapp and the feeds about them that I get through these social sites.It has been donkeys years since we last met as all are spread in different places around the world. Really wish we could all meet up and re-live those days of past glory, of our childhood days.

Even now I do not make friends too easily but I try my best to hold on to all my old friends and keep the friendship strong.I have seen that there are many who keep in touch with their so-called friends only for personal gains.I had a friend at my B.Ed training and we were quite close and we promised to keep in touch even after the two years of training.After that there were many occasions where I made an effort to keep in touch by calling up and planning to meet but I was not getting the needed response from that side.As usual ,thinking this to be due to work commitments and other priorities I neglected it. Slowly but surely I realised that whenever that 'friend' of mine had some personal favour to ask he called me up whereas otherwise he was totally inaccessible.In fact when he called me up the last time he asked me whether I knew the head of a particular college and when I said I did't , he said that I should have contacts with people as they can be of help when we need them.I said point blank that I don't keep in touch with people for deriving favours from them as I maintain relations called friendships and not contacts.I realized that though I considered him to be a friend, for him I was just another contact who would dole him out of problematic situations.
Guess whose name has been deleted from my cells' contact list after that???

Friendships are precious for me.Friends are for sharing our joys ,sorrows,secrets,fears and what have you. Friends make the journey of life worthwhile and make our travails more bearable.I believe that if there is a willingness, even with all the drudgeries and commitments in life we can and should make time to meet our friends.Even if distance makes meeting physically impossible, there should be an attempt to remain close together in each others hearts.I have a few very dear friends of mine who have slowly drifted apart and I am struggling to get them together again as I know that they are an important part of my life.I realise that they are busy with their lives but I really hope that they find time to re-ignite our friendship before the last spark of our friendship flickers off.At present I am doing my best to meet up with my friends and strengthen old ties and I hope I am successful.

After all,"Har Ek Friend Jaroori Hota hai!"

Sons of Shame

I just read the book 'Daughters of Shame' by Jaswinder Sanghera. It tells us many instances of the abuse meted out to women and young girls in the western world in the name of family honour. The true stories narrated are chilling and an eye-opener to the inhuman punishment prevalent even today behind closed doors of the so-called respectable people in society.It is wrong to believe that abuse and injustice towards women happens only in the lower strata of society.It is prevalent all over and it transcends all boundaries of society be it religious,economical,class ,race ,country or caste.

The book was disturbing as it was not fiction (how I wish it was) Makes me wonder how it brings dishonour or shame if a girl marries outside her caste or religion but it is commendable or right if the same daughter is brutally killed by her own family for her so-called heinous crime or action of shame?How can killing someone or forcing someone to get married be called honourable?

If girls who dare to marry outside their caste and religion are called daughters of shame (though I strongly disagree) then  the men who abuse,molest,rape and kill women are truly sons of shame.Crimes perpetuated on women,young girls and even little kids are heinous and should be strongly condemned and punished.As a woman ,I have been stared at, groped and touched innumerable times at crowded places by perverts and each time it happens, in spite of trying my best to avoid it, I feel violated .No one in their right mind wants to be stared at, groped or felt by any random person.We are definitely not asking for it and when men do it it really makes me furious.I have always raised my voice against such despicable behaviour and have taught my daughter to do the same.

Just watched the Marathi movie Duniyadari yesterday.It depicted four different love stories and the way the love stories ended.The scene etched in my mind is where the main female lead agrees to marry the boy of her fathers choice as she longs to make him happy and get his approval as she has craved for his warmth and love all through her life as she was a girl.Her father had insisted on getting his daughter aborted when he was told that his wife was carrying a girl child.The girls mother pleaded and the child grew up sans the love of her father but under the doting eye of her mother.On her wedding day the male lead,the hero,meets the girl and her father and expresses his love for her the father stoically says ,"This is why I said I did not want a girl."

Everyday we read the newspaper to find out there is a rape happening somewhere.We read about it, feel angry and then the story is lost somewhere in the deep corner of our mind.What we need are the right values to be instilled in the minds of all people,be it men or women.every human being has to be valued and respected.We have to teach about the right behaviour starting from the home front.Just fighting for severe punishment to the perpetrators of the crime is not enough.It is so easy to play the blame game and shirk away our responsibilities.

We have to make a beginning somewhere to put an end to this shame women have to go through.Let us take the first step,however small towards this much-needed change.Start with  your own family.The onus of a better tomorrow lies with us parents as our kids are generation next. Is this the world we want our precious kids to live in???

We ,in traditional Indian families take so much pride in following our religious traditions and rituals.We insist that our younger generation follows them.We teach these right from an early age.Why can't we also teach values of life from an early age?Values that have stood the test of time and that have been propagated by each and every religion.

Why can't we teach our little ones that each one,be it a girl or a boy, has to be respected?

We have to respect the opinions of others even if they are just the opposite of what we believe or think.

What we feel is right may not be so for someone else.

We have to teach our little ones to excel in the work they do and love their work as work is worship.

I am not saying that following traditions and rituals is wrong or right ,I am just saying that one should first and foremost be a worthy human being.

Teach them to work for the betterment of those around you.

Be good and do good. Do not be afraid to follow the path of Shreyah -the right path though it may be difficult.

Teach them not to follow anyone or anything blindly but to reason and question everything before they believe it.

Teach them to follow their conscience instead of following superstitions.

Do not teach your children  what to think but teach them how to think.
Teach them not to be judgmental about others but to introspect and keep changing oneself for the better.

Teach them to oppose and raise their voice against any wrong-doing and injustice boldly.
Teach them to think for themselves instead of following the herd-mentality.

Teach them to believe in themselves and creating their own destiny instead of relying on fate.

So much to teach.......

Difficult???YES!!!!

Impossible???NO!!!

So, are you game?

Are you ready to take the first step towards a positive and better society today?

Even in 2012.............

Just read a post on twitter by Farhan Akhtar,the Bagwati guy from ZNMD. It went like this;
The fact that, even in 2012 the waste from train toilets falls directly onto the tracks is shameful!

No reason this should continue…

Made me think about so many other things that are happening all around the country  and the world that really makes me wonder why such things occur even in 2012.
Change is the only thing that is constant in this world , yet there are so many things that have not changed for the better.

It saddens  me to see that even in 2012;

• A high court judge in Karnataka tells a wife who has filed a case against her physically abusive husband that she should adjust and keep the marriage going as her husband is earning well and can look after her well.Al these things keep happening in marriages.So what if he beats her now and then ,he has the right to do that as he looks after her.
• Women are looked at as objects of lust and desire.
• There are so many cases of female infanticide and foeticide.Preference is given for a male child.
• If rapes occur the onus is on the victim for luring the perpetrator due to improper dress or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.She is made to feel responsible for her rape.
• There was a fatwa against females wearing jeans in some parts of north India and they were told to refrain from wearing jeans or they would have to bear the consequences.
• A political leader (a female one at that) gave the verdict that girls should not be allowed to use mobile phones or mix with the opposite sex as it corrupts their minds.
• An ex-minister supported the Khap Panchayat saying that the marriageable age of girls should be reduced to 16 so that the number of rape cases in that particular state could be reduced.
• There are rarely any hygienic toilets for females to relieve themselves at railway stations,bus-stands and on highways.
• There are people who laugh at those who dare to dream,.
• A single woman is looked at with disdain if she chooses to remain single all her life.There are accusations about her character.
• In spite of all the accidents that take place due to drinking and driving ,men and women continue to drink under the influence of alcohol and make the roads hell on earth.
• Little girls are raped  by their own near and dear ones and the rapists go scot-free while the victims bear the pain for a lifetime.
• There are dowry deaths and acid attacks on women.
• People dump so much of waste into the rivers,seas and oceans.
• People continue to burst crackers for Diwali ,marriages and other functions for the thrill and excitement they think they bring when really all they bring is noise pollution,sound pollution and environmental pollution.
• People use religion/caste as  their favourite weapon to gain extra votes and remain in power.
• There are so many little kids who are malnourished.
• The population of the country is increasing by leaps and bounds in spite of all the propaganda about a small family.
• Electricity and water,the basic necessities of life have not reached so many villages in the interiors of our country.
• Even after the Sarva Shiksha Abhiyaan was introduced with much fanfare in so many states ,there are so many little kids who have not got access to basic Primary and Secondary education.
• There are so many violent incidents that are triggered by religion/language/caste/class/colour differences all around the world.
• Even after so many lessons that our past has taught us about the ill-effects of war, we have not learnt to live together in peace as one human race.
• Man has learnt to handle and control all the latest gadgets but has not learnt to have control over his desires and emotions.
• In spite of all the documentaries and research findings,man tends to ignore the dangerous outcome of Global warming.We fail to watch our carbon footprints and fail in being environment friendly.

All this makes me wonder.......

Will things ever change???